


Epic Cheese Sandwich

by ChloboShoka



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer, Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga), 逆転裁判 | Gyakuten Saiban | Ace Attorney
Genre: Crack Crossover, M/M, Parody, fairytale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:40:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28083324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChloboShoka/pseuds/ChloboShoka
Summary: A humorous thiefshipping fairytale on how Lord Bakura is reunited with his lover during the saga of the missing cheese sandwich and war against the evil Edward Cullen.
Relationships: Yami Bakura/Marik Ishtar
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Epic Cheese Sandwich

Blushing like a violet, Lord Bakura tip-toed on King Kristoph's golden buttercups in a crimson tutu. Oh, woe was he, his true love Marik had run away with the forbidden pink Magikarp, leaving only a beautiful cheese sandwich. These Magikarp, in particular, were created by Edward Cullen to brainwash fans into worshipping to his disco stick. Therefore, he could control the fans and use them for whatever he wished them to do. He begged so hard to Marik not to run away. His heart bled out for him to stay.

Dark times lay ahead. The evil Edward Cullen vowed revenge on the Bonkers Kingdom since his sister and ex-wife made love there. He had hypnotized fans. His intentions, it was darker than blackest of the baddest black. His eyes were slimy and yellow, and his marble skin looked like white shit. His self-acclaimed sexy-pose was the sparkly paedophile. He claimed to be a vampire, and yet he didn't burn in the sun as he should.

He wasn't a vampire; he was a monster. An evil manipulating monster who King Kristoph demanded to be tortured immanently. Lord Bakura longed for the day where he and his friends could endlessly torture Edward Cullen for all the suffering he had caused many minds. He wanted to go out and save Marik from the evil Edward Cullen, but he made a promise: to protect the cheese sandwich from harm. He couldn't even do that either. One day he was skinny dipping with the real Kiba baby, and it vanished. This was a disaster! If anyone in the kingdom knew the cheese sandwich was missing, they would all panic for the cheese sandwich contained special powers to kill Edward Cullen and for the kingdom to restore peace.

"Oh Marik," Bakura whispered to himself. "Oh, how miss your beautiful sunshine and your marvellous bottom. Oh, why did you run away with the Magikarp's! I am in so much pain because of that!"

"GET OFF YOUR FAT ARSE AND DEFEAT THE EVIL EDWARD CULLEN!" yelled King Kristoph, who boomed through the garden with his pink fluffy scooter. His majesty's skin was covered in a delicate dress made with real pig-shit and buttercups.

"I'm sorry your majesty but I can't."

"WHY, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT?" cried Kristoph. "Never deny the king's order, or I will eat your bum."

"I have lost my cheese sandwich, and my Marik ran away with a Magikarp," sobbed Lord Bakura. His hands covered his face as he threw himself to the floor.

"GROW UP YOU RETARDED EMO!"

"I'm not an emo," Bakura roared back. "I am heartbroken. You know nothing about love. You don't even love the queen cause you're always sucking naked cowboys."

"I'M THE KING I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!" Kristoph laughed. "OH MY GOD, YOU ARE SO RETARDED!" Kristoph shook his bootie, rubbed his neck and breathed in and out slowly. "Ah, that's better. Now can you please get ready to go to war otherwise I will eat Marik's bum?"

"Okay," Bakura squealed as he dashed over and prepared himself to battle.

"To the Magical Fluffy Dildo castle at once!"

~***~

* * *

"Are you prepared to swim in jizz?" King Kristoph asked his army of naked cowboys, ninjas, pirates, trainers and wild school kids.

"YES!"

"Do you hate Edward Cullen so much you want to shit all over him?"

"YES!"

"Do you want to stab his eyes out?"

"YES!"

"Do you wanna get sexy in this war?"

"YES!"

"Do you we love one another here?"

"YES!"

"Are we the most colourful, unique and epic army in the world?"

"YES!"

"Do we have a variety of talent in our great army!"

"YES!"

"ARE WE GOING TO KICK THE EVIL EDWARD CULLEN'S ASS?"

"YES! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"AND ONCE WE DO," Kristoph yelled so hard, he was enjoying himself too much. "I will eat him up and digest him so he will return to his true form! JUST LIKE HOW I DID IT WITH FLINT!"

"YES!"

"Now get your awesome smiley faces on and shit on the evil Edward Cullen with the BOOM BOOM!"

"Okay, Candice," Volkner said to his girlfriend. "Don't tell anyone we ate and shared the cheese sandwich."

"Why not?" asked Candice. "Roxas, Larxene and we were hungry, and it would be a shame to let such a tasty snack to go to waste."

"The king and Lord Bakura will get butthurt," Volkner told them. "It's not a pretty sight. Especially since I was raped by Flint once."

~***~

* * *

While the fierce war engaged outside the kingdom, Bakura skipped around looking for his true love. His eyes scanned the entire kingdom for the love of his life, and if he couldn't find the love of his life, he was going to end in an epic tragedy of suicide which he didn't want to do. "I have been wounded," he said to himself. "My brain is now a scrambled egg, and I am now completely insane and out of character without my beloved Marik. The evil Edward Cullen brainwashed him."

"BAKURA MY LOVE!" he heard the voice shouting across the corridor. Could it be? Yes! It was who he thought it was.

"MARIK-BABES!" As if they were both in a marathon. They ran like a leopard and pounced onto each other. "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY!" Lord Bakura screamed as he banged lips with Marik.

"OUCH!"

"Sorry baby!"

"ANYWAY LOOK WHAT I HAVE FOUND!" Marik grabbed a lunch box and inside were yellow and white crumbs dancing around in the box.

"THE CRUMBS OF THE CHEESE SANDWICH!" "My dear love, where did you find the crumbs!"

"I found this inside the magical fluffy dildo castle," Marik replied, holding onto Bakura's waist. "Where Queen Vera and King Kristoph have sex in the lemon-flavoured jelly..."

"The king stole it?"

"I don't know," Marik replied. "I don't care either. All that I know is that I love you and one day we're gonna sex it up all day long and have a baby named Mel-babes and the real Kiba baby will be her husband."

Marik and Bakura lived happily ever after swimming in custard underneath a grand chandelier with Edward Cullen's rotting head up as a trophy.


End file.
